“What about socialization?” It seems strange to me that we still hear this question regarding homeschooling. After decades of success and exponential growth, you would think some of the more remedial and uninformed questions would wither and die. I have several answers for the question when it is posited, each falling somewhere on the politeness scale, depending on my mood.

“Your right! How could anyone want their kids to miss out on group pressure for sex, drugs, violence and rebellion?” Ok, I never really said it out loud, but I have to admit it lurks in my mind somewhere.

I think the real reason people raise this question is that they remember their friends and times of fun when they were in school. The problem, of course, is that they do not see their own experience in broad perspective. If you ask a fish if they like the water, the fish will answer “What water?” It is all they know. It is their only frame of reference. Most people, when you take the time to delve, will also admit that peer relationships were not all good. Most people have done things against their better judgement and  training in such circumstances. Many carry permanent scars. People who’s primary experience during their formative years was peer oriented, can’t tell you what life may have been like if they had not been raised in that environment. What wisdom might they have learned from an older person (not a teen) that might have saved them from the penalty of their uninformed decisions?

I have noticed over the years that the same people (non-homeschoolers) who make the argument that homeschooling is a detriment for this reason are often amazed at how mature and well behaved home schooled kids are, and how they can interact appropriately with adults. I try to use these moments as teaching moments. One question I ask is “Do we want our kids to be peer-dependent like the majority of public schooled kids?”

I’m not sure when the idea of peer group socialization became important but I’m guessing it is a result of the government schools creating an artificial peer environment. I think this caused a new and unique world to form where children had to create their own society since they were virtually cut off from adults. This comes from an evolutionary view of mankind and is an extension of the socialist experiments in recent history. I do not think peer group socialization was a major emphasis in most civilizations in history until the last hundred years or so. Where we do see examples of state controlled education whether, in ancient Sparta or in modern Cuba, the purpose is not to provide better balance for the sake of the child, but rather more control over the person for the use and benefit of the state. The real truth is that God ordained children to be trained by parents, or by someone else that the parents delegate, such as a teacher or tutor. Children need to learn social skills by interacting with humans, not just children their own age. It is good and appropriate for children to interact with and play with others their own age. It does not, however, need to be a daily occurrence.

One comparison between peer oriented schools and home schooling is how kids handle boredom. I have seen more children in peer groups exhibiting the negative effects of boredom, than individually. The main difference is that in a peer group the creativity is often overseen by the lowest level of morality among the group as is common to fallen mankind. Looking for excitement by pushing or crossing boundaries, and trying to out-do one another is often the result. It is far better to have that creativity influenced by loving and wiser parents. It sometimes does take more effort on the part of parents to keep kids occupied. Chores, for example, will either provide adequate distraction, or else motivation to find something more interesting to do. They also have the side benefit of developing character. Older siblings and younger can play well together if taught to do so. It is often in the working out of disparate relationships that one learns patience, kindness and mildness. Even individual children can find great pleasure in one project or another if they are interested. The very need to find something to do can result in all kinds of creative endeavors. (I am assuming that there is some oversight and limits to electronic, mind-numbing, entertainment.) I do not believe that “socialization” is to be preferred as a method of developing character. Even more importantly for Christians, developing the character of Christ in our children is the most excellent endeavor.

In any event I can testify that our children, and many others I have known have benefited more from avoiding too much peer socialization than the reverse. If you are homeschooling, I trust you will find, as our family has, that drawing closer together as a family is such a benefit that it ends up being a testimony to others.